The sooner the better, before matters have escalated. Mediation doesn't have to be a last resort. It can break a deadlock in friendly discussions as well as hostile ones. You can seek mediation at any time, regardless of what other options are available or whether legal proceedings have started. Not everyone may be ready for mediation at the same time.

Some people need time to consider other options, seek more information, work around family, work or other commitments, or overcome emotions like anger and fear. Some court or tribunal processes may require mediation before the case can progress. You should seek legal advice about your options at this stage.

In many instances people choose mediation so that the dispute won't go to a court hearing. This has to be a mutual decision.

The Dispute Settlement Centre Victoria provides neutral, objective mediators to help you resolve disputes of any size or complexity. The government, community and private sectors also supply mediation services. If a court has ordered mediation it may appoint a mediator, although sometimes the parties can choose their own, by mutual consent.

When choosing a mediator look for someone who can be supportive while remaining neutral at all times. They must communicate well with everyone involved, listen and understand what everyone is saying, and explore all options without trying to influence anyone.

In court-ordered mediations, it may only be those bound by the order that can attend the mediation session. In voluntary mediations, the mediator may have to negotiate this before the session starts.

Generally, if a mediation is to succeed, the people involved in the dispute should attend. Each party must have at least one person who has authority to make decisions on the spot, and someone who is intimately familiar with what the dispute is about. Often this is the same person.

The main parties may want to bring other people who aren't disputants themselves, such as a trusted friend, an interpreter, an expert to clarify technical points, or their lawyer. These people can often be helpful, but sometimes they can make matters worse. It's always best to ask the service provider first before inviting these extra people.

Some agencies may provide interpreters, but always check ahead to arrange an interpreter if one is required.

Different service providers charge different fees. Some agencies, such as the Dispute Settlement Centre, provide free services while others charge on a sliding scale depending on your income and assets.

Private practitioners usually charge by the hour or the day. You should clarify costs before engaging them. There may be incidental expenses, such as venue hire and the cost of representation for people who have brought their lawyer along.

Because the cost is usually shared equally among the parties, and because most mediations take less time than hearings, mediation should usually work out to be less expensive than going to a court hearing.

Even if an agreement is reached at mediation, it may not be legally binding. Agreements can always be redrawn as a legally binding contract after mediation. If you want to ensure your agreement will be binding, seek legal advice about what is required before you start mediation. If the mediation occurs as part of a court action, the agreement may be formalised as consent orders, which carry full legal weight.

People tend to keep agreements even if they are not legally binding, because:

• in most cases people keep their word
• they have invested time and effort in the mediation
• they are keen to avoid further expense from the dispute
• it makes sense not to test a fragile relationship.